But, if youve never enjoyed going out to parties with your wife, I wonder how good you were at hiding it? It might not be easy for him to do, but even facing up the pressure of an unknown social situation can, in hindsight, be a victory that inspires him to carve out his own identity and social scene. My husband doesn't like to be touched (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images) QUESTION: I am a 33-year-old woman and married since last 6 years. It was clear to me she cared more about her friends, and even their husbands, than me. he also seems antisocial and this is the only reason we fight. But what about people who dont seem to do any of those things? Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. I find it difficult to interact when there are too many people present. Dont waste your time with women. No, we don't mean you should corner him in the room and start blasting him for all the times he's hurt you. Embarrassing your spouse will help them see their flaws. If you are a homebody, marry that type of person. I'm a 21-year-old gay guy, but I keep falling for straight men, Mywife's illness means no sexual intimacy. However, despite appearances, I don't hate people. A woman took to social media to complain about her husband's habit of grading her food out of 10, claiming he orders a takeaway if he doesn't approve of her meal choice as he refuses to cook for . When I would tell her what my response was to people who asked, she would get mad that I said that, because she was embarrassed about it. That means I might spend an entire evening eating somewhere I dont want to eat or going somewhere I dont want to go or hearing a bunch of profanity or political talk I dont agree with. Im so much happier single. 7. Truth is I am bored to death and find it a pointless waste of time. I can only make small talk for so long before Im bored out of my mind. Tell me what you want from me and I will do it. You don't have to fake excitement about every little . Talk to him. In every marriage or relationship, there are trade-offs. He's no longer interested in intimacy. Sign up for the Divorced Girl Smiling newsletter to get articles on divorce and dating. The words Jackie uses are almost verbatim with what I said to my ex, just add crying and pleading and the words Im afraid and chasm, etc. dump his ass. 17. Most of the stresses of married life, the house, the kids, the career aggravation, is all pushed for by the woman. Coupled with a spouse with no friends to speak of, this can be a glimpse at the real roots of both issues. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. Because I feel men love to provide and make their wives happy and protects them. I have not mention this to him because I really want to take this opportunity to improve a little, but at the same time I dont think its fair, and I dont think being introverted is a flaw or something to be fixed. If he had always been like that, I would have a different response, but the change means he is hurting emotionally. It was boring, and I didnt see the point of socializing with my wife if shed only spend less than a minute with me all night anyway. I love to be with other people, chatting or going out to dinner and the theatre, whereas he is much more self sufficient and really. We have watched you go to family functions and wander outside or check your phone as we feel embarassed that our guests feel they are being ignored. While you might be all of these wonderful things, and a truly good, caring, kind person, if never wanting to go out and do stuff is a problem for your spouse, then it is a problem in your marriage that needs to be addressed. I dont care about their kids or their health or their inane small talk that is so intellectually retarded it makes me cringe. What To Do When Your Husband Doesn't Provide There are a number of different tactics you can take if you find that your marriage is not working for you in the way that you had hoped when you said I do. Would he consider therapy and maybe medication? Your husband is your family and if he doesn't agree with certain people coming over becuase of poor decisions they made in the past, he has a right to say they can't come over. She tried to force a friendship. I dont demand she does anything. Online is a great place to start but it cant end there. Most people are not interested in the same things he is interested in. document.getElementById( "ak_js_3" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); 2023 Strong Marriage Now. Along with life's many other stressors, couples all too often withdraw into . It didnt start out about the event but another topic came up which led to an argument about how little he does with me socially. Please work with me. I dont want to go to a couples party and make polite conversation. She can cry, yell, give me the silent treatment or anything else she wants to but I do what I want. Joe loves to spend time with Jane, and Jane loves to spend time with Joe The problem is, Jane also loves to spend time with her friends, and Joe doesnt really have any. Here's a link to his video again. Interacting with me. I completely agree Phil. 9. I have always hated intrusiveness and will not socialize with such snobby people. Dont go out with her and then resent her and be mean. Sitting here alone in Nashville because I did not know the plans my husband made with his friends. So I stopped socializing with her, I went out and met new people and suddenly realized there were people out there that I found interesting, who found me interesting and who I actually liked and enjoyed being with. Yet, all I was asking was to have my person there. He doesn't care if you see a counselor, but he's just fine the way he is or so he says. Just like the those days in school, though, friendships most often form around similar interests. I have started to plan things with my single friends because of it. Not only did she ask me to socialize less, but I got to go camping with my wife, AND she (albeit barely) started to understand that (gasp) its normal for some people to not like various activities. All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. There isnt anything wrong with not enjoying small talk, or shallow parties. Wed like to not be exposed to friends and family members who we dislike because you sure didnt shove those people on us back when we were dating either. It may be that the way you and your husband communicate is contributing to the problem. But theyre also the ones that create the drama that ruins relationships. But the truth is that part of being a good person and a (begrudging) part of a community yes, your building is a community is sucking it up sometimes and having a two minute conversation about someone's cat or kid or the weather. I had to withstand the looks of my friends who wondered what his behavior was about. So I have never enjoyed large parties. Your email address will not be published. Theres nothing worse than feeling like your spouse is joining you unwillingly. Nobody is magic. But I never enjoyed it, and for an introvert like me I dont believe thats something I could ever learn. Its something each and every one of us has to deal with. Why does my wife nag me constantly to go out with other couples and to parties?. Totally normal for her age. So back to the advice. And my husband tries to make my family gatherings . Writing about her former. However, he reluctantly admitted that he was simply selfish. Men should be successful, so we earn as much as possible. What youre talking about is somebody who is an introvert. My kids listen to me a lot more, not in fear, but they know they have to listen. I just want to veg out in front of the TV and have peace and quiet. The man needs to compromise. Avoid overthinking. These family members are around your daughters to? That Im a grown man, and I dont need a babysitter. My husband wasnt a very extroverted person when we married, but he has become really social and extroverted 12 years later, and I continue to be introverted. Introverts are often accused of being "reclusive" or "antisocial.". My husband, on the other hand, is more likely to check his CNN feed than his Facebook feed, and thinks that tweeting is what birds do. I dont want him to be something he never was. She always wants to go to her moms and gets mad when I suggest having some me time and meeting her there later. I just hate shallow socializing. For example, Phil, youre right in that your wife shouldve agreed to have people over, given your level of discomfort. Shes an impulsive spender. Non social or asocial is NOT antisocial aka psycopaths. This wont be a quick fix, but if your husbands lack of friends is a problem for your marriage, you can both take steps to address the root cause of the issues, address the importance of social relationships and individual identity, and make gradual progress on developing the friendships that will give him new identity and a social life all his own! What Is The #1 Issue Or Problem In Your Marriage? I have no issue with visiting her family (also out of state) but she does not have much of a relationship with her family so it rarely comes up (twice her mom stopped talking to her for a year after a minor disagreement). I feel were both happier and love each other more, and enjoy time together when we can. Your email address will not be published. Its MUCH better to be alone and happy than deal with stupid women. Is something wrong? it makes me just clam up even more. I agree with everything Phil wrote. I dont know how much more I can take. He should understand that. Ive always been loyal to my partner, I dont drink, and she wont let me do stuff without her. Even for the people who act stoic and dont want any friends, there may be more at play under the surface. Are more likely to engage in physical. Mobile: +91-94441 67507 ; Email: green_covers@yahoo.com; Follow Us: cuphead fanfiction mugman sick He feels abandoned when you go to spend time with your friends, left behind with no one to connect with. Its completely different. correct? I used to have the same problem, but I solved it with a compromise. You have to spend alone time with your spouse not always go out. You see, that is the crux. It sucks I feel so left out. Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author. What should I do? not threatening. Relationships with women fail the cost/benefit analysis every time. I feel bad.. may b he is not wrong. If your husband feels like the only time you are talking to him is to tell him something that he's doing wrong, then that is going to come across as nagging and he's going to eventually start tuning you out. Criticism, like isolation, is also something that can start small. y husband and I have a happy family with children and grandchildren, and we share several interests. Thats pretty butch there Randy, how bout turning it down a notch or two? My name is Julie also. We started to socialize with people more like us (middle aged with small kids), in smaller groups where we could talk more, no drunken dance parties. However I do enjoy going out in smaller groups, with people I know well and like. Better to know now. You might think, "I'm a good husband and father, I don't cheat, I'm not mean or abusive, and I'm a good provider financially. In short, I need friends and he doesn't. Where Should We Send Your Free Marriage Coaching? He rebelled by working mid-nights all holidays, weekends and gave away all his vacation time. Any attempt on your part to change this dynamic, however small or tentative, is immediately shut down. Turns out she had been doing that though since about our second year of dating, so I dont really believe my introversion was her reasoning. Somehow. We're retiring soon and I'm starting to worry that our different social needs will become a problem. He wants people to think he is better than they are, and that includes you - especially you. You can not always have your own way when it comes to choosing restaurants or things to do. I feel tricked. I want it to be like it was when we were a childless couple, with the benefit of having the kids in the morning.. If your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your friends, you have got two things on your. He is selfish and deserves to be alone. And I also found my "father voice," the voice of discipline and reason in the family. While in the relationship I did try to compromise and what ended up happening is I kept my part of the agreement and she didnt. I try to make his family gatherings- in fairness, I more often than not, make it, as I also need to chase after our little ones! When someone feels like my husband has no friends or hobbies, it is very sad for both people. It puts a cloud over the whole evening. Joe and Jane are very much in love, with a relatively stable life and happy marriage. Its not easy, but all of this boils down to a higher issue thats common communication and compromise. 2. 5 Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Listen To You. Women want all this crap and then we give it to you, and then you get mad because were burned out and not the same guy we were when we were 22, its ridiculous. He put a ring on my finger. I used to have a HUGE social life. Things we tell ourselves we will do to make the other person happy. In short, I need friends and he doesn't. Because you are not giving me signs that you care. Good for you. I love to be with other people, chatting or going out to dinner and the theatre, whereas he is much more self sufficient and really dislikes most social situations. I told her, had she stayed and actually was a part of the conversation, maybe things would have been different. Nonsense. How Do I Get My Husband To Understand My Feelings. All Jackie is doing is presenting what is going on on the other side too. Be strong and be authentic, and you will have a beautiful life ahead of you., - Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling. Read Susan Cains book. It is a fundamental part of who we are. 8. By any means, this does not mean to make him jealous! Frankly, none of those questions matter. He now does what he pleases with no regard to pleasing others. When you're in a relationship, it's important that you and your partner respect each other even online, which is why these 15 social media behaviors are extremely inappropriate from your boyfriend. 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