A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. I found the update posts from those parents who were in this situation and came out the other side especially helpful. He now prefers my mom over me and could care less if Im around. It has shown to be a very effective tool to make children both bond and co-operate instead of challenging us and our rules. His Aunty drops down most weekends and he does not want to know me when she is around. In my observation some babies who dont do this have mothers who dont hold them a lot and are less responsive but not always. Well, they dont know each other yet! Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. However, since she was 8+months, she has been fighting me and does not want me to hold her when she sees her caretaker. Thank you and keep your heads up!! weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. I do everything for her but she does not know that I am her mother. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. Im a very good mom, so why doesnt she see that? Try movement like rocking 4. Maybe worth trying for you too? It is an intensive period. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. And I really hope that this is just a phase that she is going through. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? Somtimes she seems to get very distressed, but at bedtime I read to her and hold her, my wife says Im the best person to get her to sleep? You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. What is wrong with me? In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. He wont come to me when I hold out my arms, wont play with me on the mat (where we were having a ball only a few hours earlier) and pushes me away when I hold him or cuddle him. he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. So it did happen, but it took awhile and, like I wrote before, he still prefers my partner maybe 60-70% of the time (again only when the stark choice is between us only). Im ready to walk but want to be there for my children & my girlfriend is due again in December with another little boy. I do everything to. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. And I suspect it isnt helping your wife either. The earlier you start looking, the better. I am feeling so rejected and lonely. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. So here comes my last advice. Fight for your baby. Here is the good news: you are not alone. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. Paula is right. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. When you get back, you're still the #1 mom. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). Im a married mom with a 14 month old son who is obsessed with his dad and treats me like garbage a lot of the time. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. Thank you thank you thank you!! He will be picked up and carried around for the smallest incident. But I believe it can be solved. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. I am thankful that my MIL is there to help us out. I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. I guess maybe now i feel like maybe he knows that I didnt want him at first because he has always been a little distant with me since he was born. For the mom with low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed. Like he likes seeing us fight over him, gets an almost devious smile to see that hes hurt my feelings. She cries for her grand mother. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. Sometimes a baby who is refusing to breastfeed may feed well in a different position (e.g. Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . She breaks her back trying to look for him when he leaves the room. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. But Im not so sure now, I think my daughter doesnt know Im her mother. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. you are a good mother. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. Im so glad I found this post! I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. Just show you love them and never give up on them. Im a single 18 year old mother who still lives at home with my parents and siblings. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? My daughter doesnt cry when she is with me but she just doesnt want to cuddle or be close. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. Personally, I think reading books about child development and how to help your child in life can be very rewarding both to help one as a parent with becoming more confident and also to find ways to be able to discuss how to raise a child without it becoming angry or sensitive. Our relationship has became better in the past few months and she seems to like me more than before. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. A couple of things helped: 1) we play her favorite music at very loud volume during the feeding to distract her, 2) we make sure to feed her before she gets very hungry so that she is still in a good mood, 3) we make sure my husband, the caregiver, always gives her the bottle, and 4) we keep trying at different times if she doesn't take the Over the 2 years I have been in a terrible custody battle and its still going on right now. I have 18mo old twins. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. Try "introducing the mouth to the bottle" rather than trying to get the baby to drink. Hi, This could change any day. my daughter is now one year old and our bond has strengthened. He fights me on everything. Or that babies dont do that. Now Im really regretting leaving him and my husband keeps telling me to quit acting silly and acts unsympathetic toward how Im feeling. The bond is there, and you obviously love her very much. It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. Unrequited love hey. Now at 10 months old, she treated me with the same fondness and love that she had showed my husband during her early months. You are obviously there for your son. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. And I really felt that it started to work almost immediately. should i stop my caregiver from sleeping next to her to maybe stop them from being too close? Pls help. Can someone give me a lil advice to help me. Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. but around the age of 8 or 9 months she just would prefer other peopleshe would go with anyoneI was hurt and devastated. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. When you feel rejected, she will sense your reactions and you end up in vicious circle of guilt, sadness, rejection, and more sadness and guilt. For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. Try feeding in a close and cuddled up position. They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. Im happy and relieved to report that our little one is no longer preferring one parent over another. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. I dont know what to do, I have to work to support her, and I want that bond. what am I to do !! In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. please help im worried that she might endup hating him. So chin up, even when its hard. She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! Then try some of these methods: 1. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. I KNOW your baby loves you. You sound like a fabulous mom. Thanks. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. Discuss a plan with mom. But in about a week things changed, and he was starting to want me again. Paula, Stay At Home Mom Rejected By Baby Hi I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! Thank you SO much for writing about this!! On the Internet Viral Reddit Baby Family. While maternity leave policies last 8-12 weeks, that would mean that at just 2-3 months in, new moms are returning to work with potentially undiagnosed postpartum anxiety or depression and may not know it. So Ive tried to improve, and honestly, Ive seen positive results very quickly. Help?? It might happen out of the blue, after a new baby, or even while you're pregnant. If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. Lori Mihalich Levin's book Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave, should be required reading for all new mamas. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. She wouldnt even look at me when I tried to comfort her. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. by Margaret e Jacobsen. But it seems she does. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). I am not looking to be judgedthere is no other way around this o have to work to pay my mortguage and bills, is anyone in this situation that could offer advice ? That is wonderful for your little daughter! Then I have my daughter four years later, and she is the same way, and she was born vaginally, immediately placed skin to skin, and I never worked or was separated from her. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. You asked me specifically about whether it would be a good idea if your daughters dad would do mroe of the boring stuff with your daugther and not just you. Im starting to worry about the mother. At around 3 to 5 years of age, children tend to become very attached to the parent of opposite gender. Please help! Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. Well, disobeing the court orders she left with the child to another state without any communication or notice of where she was going. I sometimes wish that I could die and I admit that there are times when I have seen all my competitors as my enemies and I wanted to hurt my own child out of jealousy..But then I would never do that..My relationship with my husband and his family is degrading day by day..And I regret having married him at all even though he is the best husband and dad ever..I dont know what is happening to me!!